Archive for Ask the Addicts Mom

Addiction Stepping Up And Stepping Out?

 In the ever expanding fight against addiction it is important to step up and step out to help those affected by addiction.  In stepping into your power and stepping up to the plate you begin to see that you are not alone in this battle and that there is help for you and your family.  It is time for all parents of addicted children to erase the stigma of having an addicted child. Understand people will be quick to judge because they don’t understand as they have not walked in your shoes and are most likely happy because it is not their kid. They don’t know that it could easily be their kid as addiction is becoming a pandemic in our country. Instead of others judging they should step to the plate and join in supporting the families affected by addiction. In stepping up to the plate and getting involved you can stem the tide of addiction. You may not eradicate it totally however by making an effort and doing what you can with what you have and doing it now you can alleviate a bit of the pain and suffering that you may be experiencing due to the fact that you have an addicted child.

One way to step up to the plate is to make plans to join The Addict’s Mom on May 17, 2014 at 10 AM at The Town of Davie Town Hall. I would suggest you leave the power stilettos at  home and break out your sneakers. In addition to speakers there will be an opportunity to walk a mile and share with other parents who are going through what you are going through. The hardest thing for a parent of an addicted child to face is the fact that their child has a problem. That is where www.addictsmom.com comes in as it provides an opportunity to share without shame, find resources, and see that you are not alone. In many cases it is getting over the stigma of having an addicted child that allows you to step to the plate. It takes much courage to step out and step to the place and to step out of the comfort zone to say Hello my name is_______ and I am the parent of an addict. After you admit to this reality you can then work on the healing process by understanding you did not create the problem, you can not control the problem, and you can not cure the problem. Read More→

Addiction: Dealing With The Non Addicted Siblings!!!

 

 In 1979 Sister Sledge released the song, We Are Family.  As I began to listen to the lyrics I began to think we are all connected in one way or another.  This connection has been made stronger because of the website www.addictsmom.com, which was started by Barbara Theodosiou, a mother who knew she was not alone when dealing with having addicted children. She developed The Addict’s Mom to give mothers of addicts a platform to share without shame, find resources, and to see that they are not alone. In visiting www.addictsmom.com I came across a question, how do you deal with the non addicted siblings?

 The beginning of dealing with the non addicted siblings is to acknowledge that there is an addict in the family. One way to acknowledge this is to gather the family together and accept the fact that there is an addict in the family. At this family gathering it is important to formulate a plan of action to deal with the addict and all that are affected by the addict’s actions.

Setting boundaries is a very important step in dealing with the addict and your non addicted siblings. Believe it or not most kids want rules and regulations. It is when you set boundaries and explain consequences and stick to the plan that you can positively affect your non addicted siblings.

 It is important to talk to your kids especially the non addicted children. Take an interest in your children, know who their friends are, know what activities they are involved in, make it a point to show interest in your children. Remember you made a conscious decision to bring a child into the world and you have a responsibility to nurture and guide the child the best you can. Be aware they are going to do things where you will have to discipline them and make tough choices, Many times by being strict from day 1 and setting and sticking to boundaries you set in motion the behaviors that lead away from drug and alcohol use. The biggest thing you can do for your children is to speak to them and make time for them. The best words you can ever tell your child is I am here for you. This doesn’t mean financially it means emotionally and spiritually. Read More→

Addiction: Waiting For A Joyful Noise!!!

 

As I sat down this morning to read Rev. Dr. Dee Adio Moses book Heal Your Life With Daily Prayer and Affirmations, the passage for today spoke of singing praises to GOD and having good things happen for you.  The n I turned to Mary Manin Morrissey’s book The Miracle Minute and the entry for today was about bringing joy to others. I then wrote in my gratitude journal and one of the things I was grateful for was the joy that was being put into my life. I then began to think about the scene from the Movie, The Bucket List, where Jack Nicholson’s Character and Morgan Freeman’s Character are speaking about what happens when you die and Morgan Freeman’s Character says there are two questions you must answer did you live a life of joy and did your life bring joy to others for everything else is meaningless.

 

As I began to reflect on the reading and the scene in the film I began to ask how many of the parents that will read this today are waiting to hear a joyful noise? How many moms and dads will take care of the challenge they are facing of having an addicted child?  As I visited www.addictsmom.com, a FREE Membership Site dedicated to helping mothers of addicted children by giving them a place to share without shame, find resources, and see that they are not alone, I began to read the messages an many had a common thread of wishing that the addiction would go away? Many commented that they had heard the joyful noise they were waiting for as their addicted child was now clean and doing well. The greatest joyful noise that a parent of an addict can hear from their child is I am getting help and I am working the program. When the addict decides that they no longer want to use and they make an effort to work a program and they make progress they begin to heal and thus make the healing process for the parent a bit easier thus creating the joyful noise that everyone is seeking. Read More→

Addiction: Staying Calm Cool and Collected!!!

  Today I have a lesson learned from my dealing with Verizon Wireless that will translate very nicely for parents dealing with addicted children and how to face the challenges of having an addicted child head on. It all started the other day when my battery for my Droid Razr swelled and began creating issues. As many of us have experienced our lives today often revolve around the cell phone as it has become the main source of connection for us. I went to a Verizon Store only to find out  that it was a third-party dealer for Verizon and they couldn’t help me. I was told go to the service center which I did only t find out it wasn’t a service center but a Verizon Corporate Store. Upon entering I explained the situation and was told well you need to buy a new phone as your phone is no longer in warranty and the fact that I didn’t have insurance on the phone I would have to buy a new phone at the retail price. Upon hearing this I stated calmly there must be something you could do to which the reply was no I can’t call customer service. I called customer service explained the situation and by the end of the phone call I had a new phone at no charge. All I had to do is pay the upgrade fee. The phone is being shipped to me later this week. Now you might ask what does this have to do with dealing with our addicted children. The answers are this when dealing with your addicted child be patient, remain, calm, cool, and collected and you will achieve the desired outcome that you want.  In some cases when seeking treatment you may be told people can not help you and there is nothing they can do. Instead of getting angry take a breath and calmly ask them to search out other alternatives. This may take time however in the long run you can find the assistance you seek to help face the challenges of having an addicted child.

 In dealing with Verizon I thought of the 12 steps and many applied as I accepted there was a problem, the phone had to be fixed. With addiction the person must be fixed. I forgave the man who said he couldn’t assist me, I prayed to GOD to help me keep calm to resolve the problem, I then thanked GOD for resolving the problem. The 12 steps can apply to every aspect of your life as you move forward in a positive direction of reclaiming your power and stepping into your greatness.  It took much self-control to not get angry today at the Verizon Sales Person, however getting angry would not have reached a pleasant solution. Getting angry never serves us and only accelerates the negative aspects of the situation. When dealing with your addict you have the opportunity to step back and breathe and come from a calm, cool, and collected point of view. The addict may be upset when they contact you, they may point fingers, play the blame game, and try to manipulate you however if you step into your power in a calm manner you may deflect the challenge that this contact has created. A hard  thing to do is to say from day one,  when the issue of drug and alcohol use rears its ugly head is to set boundaries like if you don’t stop using you don’t receive the privileges that I have afforded to you. If the problem gets worse and your addict becomes an adult upon them turning 18 you set boundaries that if not followed consequences are enforced. Read More→

Addiction: Substitution Good Or Bad?

  It seems as in America the trend amongst doctors dealing with addiction is to subscribe to the philosophy of better living through chemistry. It appears that there is a supposed miracle pill for every ailment including addiction. The latest buzz in the addiction treatment field is Suboxone, generically known as buprenorphine and naloxone. It has become so popular that pharmacies are offering coupons for Suboxone.  Many argue that Suboxone is just substituting one drug for another and isn’t an effective treatment as it never truly gets to the root of the addiction. Others argue that it is very effective and that they have had great results.

 Dr. James Schaller is a proponent of using Suboxone and has written his findings in this book.

Many others on the other side point to the side effects and suggest alternative treatments. Read More→

Jul
24

Addiction: Moving Right Along!!!!

Posted by: | Comments (0)

Addiction: Moving Right Along!!!!

 

 Today’s post was inspired by The Muppet Movie and the song Moving Right Along as it speaks of the adversity that Kermit and Fozzy Bear faced on their travels but they just kept moving right along. This lead me to reflect on all the posts I read at www.addictsmom.com and in The Addict’s Mom groups on Facebook and I discovered that everyone has a similar challenge when it comes to addiction and that is dealing with the addict and the addicts behavior. As you face the challenge of having an addicted child you must understand that you did not create the problem, you can not control the problem, and you will not cure the problem and thus you should commit to moving right along. Now the question is how do you keep moving right along? The answer is accept there is a problem, face the problem, do the best you can with the resources you have, and understand that until the addict gets that rude awakening that their choices are not serving them in a positive manner they are not going to change. Once you begin to come to grips with the fact that your child is an addict and there isn’t really much you can do you will begin to have the ability to move right along. A recent study shows that 1 in 3 (33%) of families are dealing with addiction. Unfortunately because of the stigma associated with having an addicted child not many parents come forward to share and when they do many times they are ostracized from the community.  In an ideal situation a parent would recognize that their child was using drugs and/or alcohol and would be able to sit down and have a rational conversation about where the use of drugs and alcohol often lead and the child would have the where with all to understand that the parent is doing what is in the best interest of the child. The reality is that it doesn’t work that way because the parent is so concerned about being right and the child feels like they are being picked on that communication breaks down. Then there is the parental factor that you want your kids to like you so you give and give until you can’t give anymore thus putting stress on the parent-child relationship. Understand that most children lack the capacity to fully comprehend what is happening as the brain is developing and their judgment is flawed as the critical thinking elements of the brain have not been fully developed.  Think back to when you were a child and some of the things you did without thinking then you can relate to what your child is doing. Children tend to be impulsive and just do and this makes parenting very challenging especially when the child is not respectful and does things that are morally contradictory to the values of the family. The question is what to do and how to move right along? Read More→

Addiction: Wiping Away The Tears and Moving Forward!!!!

Glee actor Cory Monteith has died at the age 31, it has been confirmed ... The news of Cory Monteith’s death from an overdose came across the TV the other day and I immediately thought another lost to drugs, Why? Cory was 31 and seemed to have it all, but that didn’t stop him from using and overdosing. I then thought of all the parents who have lost a son or daughter to drugs or alcohol and how they are wiping away the tears and moving forward. It takes a lot of courage and strength to come out and say my son or my daughter was an addict and overdosed or my son or daughter had too much to drink and decided to drive and was killed in a car crash.  The first step to wiping away the tears and moving forward is coming to grips with the loss of a child and then turning the tragedy of losing a son or daughter into a positive by educating others and stopping their children from getting caught up in the cycle of addiction.  In her book Turning Loss Into Joy Vashon Marie Sarkisian gives the reader seven steps to heal the pain.

Accepting the loss and not blaming yourself is a step to help wipe away the tears and move forward. Understanding that you did what you believed in your heart to be right is the only solace that you need. By moving forward you do not erase the pain but you find ways to ease it, be it volunteering at  a local rehab center, starting a scholarship in memory of your son or daughter,  Sharing your stories to help others, or sitting in prayer will assist you in the process of dealing with the loss of your son or daughter. Read More→

Jul
03

Addiction: Finding A Way Out!!!

Posted by: | Comments (0)

Addiction: Finding A Way Out!!!!

 There may be no easy way out but there is a way out.  The way out starts when you accept the fact that your child is an addict and you are powerless over the addiction. As you embark on your journey to find a way out remember that you did not create the addiction, you can not control the addiction, and you can not cure the addiction. You can however take control of your life  by making sure you let go and let GOD. When you understand that everything has happened for a reason and you find what that reason is you can work your way out of the issues created by having an addicted child. The dynamics involved are very complex  and trying to figure out what went wrong is fruitless the only thing you can do is find a way out. The way out can be in the form of detaching with love until the addict is serious about getting help and making a change in their life. This is a tough step as it means that you will cut off communication with the addict until they get help and are sober (clean) for 30 days. Another way out is to support the addict emotionally and spiritually but not financially by being a loving mirror and shining your light for them to see. You can begin to focus on yourself and the other members of your family and move toward your goals and their goals.

Addiction: Finding A Way Out – Removing Fear

 The biggest fear a parent of an addict has is that their child will die on the streets. For many parents this fear has become a reality and their way out came with burying their child. The fear can be erased by focusing on you and the other members of the family. It is when you shine your light and share your story at sites like www.addictsmom.com that you continue to remove the fear of losing your child.  The time is now to face everything and rise by acknowledging the fact that you child is an addict and all you can do is watch things unfold as it is their choice to move forward and get help. Read More→

Addiction: The 3 Rs – Reflect, Relax, Rejuvenate!!!

 This Michael Jackson song, Man In The Mirror, is the first song I think of when I think about reflection as it all starts with ourselves. It is when we take a deep look at who we truly are and discover our authentic self and embrace this that we can be of assistance to the addict. In order to be of assistance to the addict the addict must be open to receive. If you want to change the situation you must take steps to reflect and then commit to change.  It is through reflection that we can find the root cause of the situation and then begin to plant new seeds and create a harvest of joy and abundance. This is not an easy thing to do as it takes courage to recognize your own faults and to work on being a better person when dealing with the fact that you have an addicted child.

 It is through reflection that you can move forward to improve the situation that having an addicted child has created. In many cases it is when we stop blaming ourselves and forgive ourselves that we are able to detach with love from the addict and realize that when they are ready to heal themselves they will. Hopefully the decision to get help will come in time so they can turn things around and have a productive life. The fact of the matter is that when you reflect and realize that you did the best you could with the tools you had you will be able to move forward and help yourself and your other family members.  As you do your reflection exercises be it through meditation, keeping a journal, saying prayers, writing forgiveness letters, attending support group meetings, or sharing at www.addictsmom.com, you may want to suggest to the addict that they do the same. Keep in mind the addict will only do the reflection exercises when they are ready and see the value of doing the reflection exercises. Read More→

Jun
19

Addiction: You Are Not Alone!!!

Posted by: | Comments (0)

Addiction: You Are Not Alone!!!!

 

 As I prepared for the day today I heard this rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone by Barbara Streisand and thought about all the parents who have addicted children. I began to think how you are not alone in your challenge and desire to have your child become clean and sober. I then visited www.addictsmom.com and The Addict’s Mom Facebook page and saw the similarity of patterns of dealing with this cycle of addiction. As I saw some of the troubling stories I also saw many stories of hope dealing with the turn around the addict has made to become clean and sober as they stay on the path or recovery.  The important fact is to realize you are not the only one dealing with this as addiction has become a great health concern in our society.

 Once you accept the fact that your child is an addict and there really isn’t much you can do about it you will be able to move forward in a positive direction to get back on track with your life. The key is to accept the fact that your child is an addict and to understand you are not alone. After accepting the fact that your child is an addict do not try to figure out why or how it happened understand that there are groups you can turn to  in order to get yourself help to cope with this situation. By understanding that the addict made choices that were perhaps brought on by their perception of how they were treated you remove the problem of playing the blame game.  In many cases it is the attitude you bring to the situation that will determine the outcome. Take a step back and evaluate your behavior and see how it is affecting the behavior of those around you. Ask yourself how are my actions serving me in a positive way?  One phrase I always recommend to people is: In the past and up until now I had a problem with (fill in the blank), starting today I will (fill in the blank) to move forward in a positive direction. Read More→

UA-25348780-1