Archive for Deatching With Love

Addiction: The 3 Rs – Reflect, Relax, Rejuvenate!!!

 This Michael Jackson song, Man In The Mirror, is the first song I think of when I think about reflection as it all starts with ourselves. It is when we take a deep look at who we truly are and discover our authentic self and embrace this that we can be of assistance to the addict. In order to be of assistance to the addict the addict must be open to receive. If you want to change the situation you must take steps to reflect and then commit to change.  It is through reflection that we can find the root cause of the situation and then begin to plant new seeds and create a harvest of joy and abundance. This is not an easy thing to do as it takes courage to recognize your own faults and to work on being a better person when dealing with the fact that you have an addicted child.

 It is through reflection that you can move forward to improve the situation that having an addicted child has created. In many cases it is when we stop blaming ourselves and forgive ourselves that we are able to detach with love from the addict and realize that when they are ready to heal themselves they will. Hopefully the decision to get help will come in time so they can turn things around and have a productive life. The fact of the matter is that when you reflect and realize that you did the best you could with the tools you had you will be able to move forward and help yourself and your other family members.  As you do your reflection exercises be it through meditation, keeping a journal, saying prayers, writing forgiveness letters, attending support group meetings, or sharing at www.addictsmom.com, you may want to suggest to the addict that they do the same. Keep in mind the addict will only do the reflection exercises when they are ready and see the value of doing the reflection exercises. Read More→

Jun
05

Addiction: Cleansing The Wounds!!!

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Addiction: Cleansing The Wounds!!!

 As I visited www.addictsmom.com, a FREE Membership Site, where mothers of addicts can share without shame, find resources, and see that they are not alone I saw many comments about the wounds left by addicts. These emotional scars carry a huge burden until they are released or cleansed.  Just like a wound on our body these emotional scars should be treated with our own peroxide. Our peroxide can be in the form of spiritual guidance, seeing a counselor, making a decision to detach with love from the addict, and making the conscious decision to stop allowing our child’s addiction to be the focus of our life.  Just as the rain cleanses the earth and replenishes we should see to cleanse and replenish ourselves by making a mind, body, soul connection. The moment we decide to cleanse is the moment we will begin to feel liberated and thus have the ability to move forward with our lives and thus positively impact the lives of others in our family and outside our family?

Addiction: Cleansing The  Wounds – The Steps!!!

 The first step is to remove the stigma of being a parent of an addict. There is no shame in having an addicted child as stuff happens. In many cases there was nothing you did right nor wrong. Addiction happens because of many factors such as low self-worth, the addict doesn’t feel accepted or loved. In some cases it was just a matter that the only parenting skills you had were the skills you learned from your parents. The addict may have felt that you were judgmental and  non-supportive and thus turned to drugs and alcohol as a way to get your attention.  You as a parent probably began to internalize the notion what will everyone think and thus fed into the problem  and thus made it worse, you are not to blame as you were doing the best you could with the tools you have. The key is to remove the stigma stop worrying about what others will think and step up and say my son/daughter is an addict and we are working things out. Read More→

May
15

Addiction: Detaching With Love!!!

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Addiction: Detaching With Love!!!

 

 As I sat down to write today’s blog entry I did a quick word association with detaching with love and the first thing that came to mind was REO Speedwagon’s  Time For Me To Fly. As I listened to the lyrics I began to think if the relationship is no longer serving you it is time for you to fly and detach with love. Detaching from your addicted child is the most difficult decision that you will make as all types of emotions begin to enter your mind. You are fearful of the outcome so you continue to make excuses as to why you can’t detach. When I think of fear I think face everything and rise. It is time to take the fear away and allow yourself to detach with love.  After the fear comes anger as you are angry with yourself and the addict and thus hold on to the anger and hold on to the addict thus making the situation worse. I suggest you wrote down all the negative emotional feelings and then put them in a bowl and burn them and say today I detach from this situation with love praying that GOD will protect my addicted child and myself.  Once fear and anger are erased you can move on to detaching with love. There are many ways to detach with love.

The first step is to love yourself. Each morning when you wake up say I am love and I deserve to be loved. By loving and valuing yourself you will be able to detach with love.
 Express love in all you do. When you interact with other family members and friends show gratitude to them and express your love for them. When dealing with the addict as you detach with love remember you have done what you can do. You can use this statement I love you however the choices you have made have been hurtful to not only you but to me as well an until you are committed to your recovery I can no longer interact with you. This is a tough statement to make and it takes courage to stick to it, however it shows the addict where you stand and gives you the liberation you need to detach with love. Read More→

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