Archive for Saying Goodbye

May
07

Addiction: It Is Laundry Time!!!

Posted by: | Comments (0)

Addiction: It Is Laundry Time!!!

Have you ever put off doing your laundry and allowed it to pile up and then you have this sense of overwhelm and you continue to make excuses until one day you finally decide that it is time to do the laundry. This describes what many parents and family members go through when dealing with an addict. Addiction has reached nearly pandemic levels in America and yet like the laundry piling  law makers and others continue to make excuses and let it continue to pile up. It is time that everyone affected by addiction stood up and said it is time to do the laundry. Now you may be asking with all the loads of laundry to do where do we start? The answer is put in the first load and do one load at a time. If we are to cleanse our country of addiction we must first look at the root cause of addiction and that is the reason drugs are so prevalent and readily available in our neighborhoods. One is because there is money to be made another is because so many people are looking for love and acceptance and turn to the drugs and the drug culture because of the lack of love and acceptance they perceive to be receiving.

 Another reason drug and alcohol use is increasing in our society is that those using have not developed the mental acuity to judge and see consequences.  A persons judgmental skills and critical thinking skills develops from the age of 12-22. During this period of time of the neurons of the brain do not connect with the frontal lobes due to drug and alcohol use and abuse the person gets stuck in that mental age for life. Imagine dealing with a an addict at age 25 who has the mental capacity of a 16 year old. This addict may not understand that it is time to do the laundry and to clean up their act as they are still acting out of impulse and not thinking of consequences. The only way to combat this is to do the laundry and make sure you are actively involved in your child’s life. Remember you are not here to be their friend you are here to guide them and develop them.

 When doing our laundry we have a regiment wash, dry, fold, put away. When dealing with an addict you must also have a regiment. Set boundaries, keep boundaries, be loving, take care of yourself first before taking care of the addict. The best thing would be if you never had an addicted child for all those that had influence over your child would have washed them of all their negativity that led to them using drugs.  The child would have been dried and their mindset would have been one of staying away from drugs. The child would have been folded into a group that lifted them and made them feel loved and accepted without the use of drugs. The child would have been put away clean every night and woke up every morning with a sense of purpose. Unfortunately this did not happen and you have an addict as a child so it is time to do the laundry. Read More→

Apr
25

Addiction: Step By Step!!!!

Posted by: | Comments (0)

Addiction: Step By Step!!!

 

 In the process of recovery it is important to not only have the addict working a program but also to have the family of the addict working a program. So many times a mother or father will get so caught up in the child’s addiction that they suffer emotionally and physically. To avoid this it is important to put together a program that allows you to be healthy both mentally and physically for you are of  no value to anyone if you are not healthy.  In many cases it is as simple of working your own 12 step program.

 

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Read More→

Jul
10

Addiction: Overcoming The Pain!!!

Posted by: | Comments (3)

Addiction: Overcoming The Pain!!!!

 As I visited www.addictsmom.com I read many stories of the pain that the addict has caused to the mother and other family members. As I read the stories I began to think that there must be a way to overcome the pain and move forward with one’s personal and professional life. The hope of every parent of an addict is that the addict will break free and stop causing pain to themselves and their family. In many cases a parent’s  pain is so great that they shut down completely and become very distant and as a result their life goes into a downward spiral and they begin to suffer physically, mentally, financially and spiritually as they become so wrapped up in trying to save the addict that it only causes more pain for them and the family.

 In dealing with the pain remember you did not create the problem, you can not control the problem, and you can not cure the problem. Too many times I hear a parent ask what did I do wrong? The answer is you did not do anything wrong as you did the best you could with the resources you had. Many times a parent does not want to face the pain as it begins and doesn’t confront the problem until the pain is to great that the parent has to face it.  This comes from FEAR, which is false evidence appearing real. The reality is that as a parent you can not control every choice your child makes. You can guide them and hope that they listen and understand that you know a few things and if they make a poor choice to use drugs or alcohol that you confront them each time with love and show them that their choice is not the best. If they choose not to listen than it is on them. At that point is when you say you will not cause pain to me or our family and set boundaries. If they are under 18 you can send them to counseling and you can do let them know that their bad behavior as a result of poor choices will not be tolerated. Remember it is not your job to be their friend it is your responsibility to shine your light and guide them. If the child is over 18 you give them a choice either straighten up and stop using or leave the house until the time you are clean. This may seem harsh however it is necessary to stop the addict from using you for money and to stop draining you emotionally. Read More→

Addiction: Saying Goodbye Gracefully!!!

 

 Today’s blog entry was inspired by this Seals and Krofts song, We May Never Pass This Way Again. As I listened to the lyrics I began to think how important it is to realize that we get one chance to positively impact the circumstances that we are facing and how saying goodbye gracefully plays an integral role in all that we do.  As a parent of an addict you may have had to say goodbye to a child that was called home to GOD or you may have had to let go and let GOD as you have realized that you did all that could. having to bury a child is the hardest thing a parent will have to do. This challenge is magnified when your child was an addict because all types of  guilt comes over you as you wonder what could I have done differently? You begin asking why and you may never find the answer as we never know why, we can surmise that they felt unloved, unaccepted, and lacked self-worth. The key is to say goodbye gracefully by honoring their memory the best way you could by helping other families who are struggling with the challenges of addiction.  When your child is living and still choosing to live the addicted lifestyle all you can do is to say goodbye gracefully telling them you love them however until you are clean I can no longer support you. There comes a time to let go and let god. This takes a lot of courage because the second hardest thing for a parent to do is to separate from their child. In many cases saying goodbye gracefully and allowing things to unfold have proven to be the best as the addict decides to get on a path of recovery and the parent then is able to reunite with the child by being loving and supportive. As a parent it is important to realize that you can guide your child, you can educate your child about the dangers of drug and alcohol use, and you can be their emotionally for the child but despite the greatest efforts they may still use drugs and alcohol. The road your child takes will be mostly determined by the way you handle the 1st incidence of use. It is at this moment when you must commit to saying goodbye gracefully.

Addiction: Tools To Say Goodbye Gracefully!!!!

Mandisa expresses the importance to saying goodbye to the person you used to be in her song  Say Goodbye. When you use music as a tool and you truly internalize the lyrics you can say goodbye gracefully and move in a positive direction of your goals. Read More→

UA-25348780-1