Archive for Spiritual Tools

Apr
30

Addiction: God Will Make A Way!!!

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Addiction: GOD Will Make A Way!!!

 In the time of deepest despair it is refreshing to be able to turn to GOD and know that he will make a way. As a parent of an addict or a family member of an addict times get tough and you tend to wonder when will it all end, when will the addict wake up and know that he or she is not only hurting themselves but hurting the entire family. Sometimes the addict never wakes up and it ends with the knock on the door to come identify your child. At that moment you ask why GOD? The answer is generally because I didn’t want your family to suffer any longer and now you can help other families who are dealing with addiction.

 On the other end of the spectrum the addict makes a decision to turn things around and makes a commitment to him/herself  and GOD to become clean and sober mind. The stories that I hear of recovery all have a common theme and that is that they had a spiritual awakening and decided that GOD had a bigger plan for them.  As the addict realizes that GOD will make a way and they change their attitude and begin to believe in themselves that they have the courage to change and serve the community it is important for the parent to be supportive. In some cases it means the understanding to detach with love until the addict is ready to make the commitment to be clean and sober and realize that GOD will make a way.

 When things seem desperate and beyond your control look to the scriptures and now that GOD will make a way. Read More→

Apr
16

Addiction: Taking Steps Of Hope!!!

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Addiction: Taking Steps Of Hope!!!!

 

 As I was sitting down to plan a special event to help mothers of addicted children, Steps Of Hope, I came across this song and thought yes it is time for us to do something. It is time for us to unite and come together to remove the stigma of having an addicted child. It is time for us to band together and show that addiction is affecting us all and that it can be overcome. It is time for us to take steps of hope.

On May 17, 2014 in my hometown of Davie, FL from 10 AM – 12:30 PM I will be hosting Steps of Hope and bringing people together to share without shame in hopes of positively impacting the lives of those affected by addiction.  Each day I take steps of hope by running The Addict’s Mom Facebook Group and overseeing www.addictsmom.com. Read More→

Pretend you are holding my hand and let's pray together.

Pretend you are holding my hand and let’s say a  pray toge

Pretend your holding my hand and together let’s say a prayer.

Addiction: Staying Calm Cool and Collected!!!

  Today I have a lesson learned from my dealing with Verizon Wireless that will translate very nicely for parents dealing with addicted children and how to face the challenges of having an addicted child head on. It all started the other day when my battery for my Droid Razr swelled and began creating issues. As many of us have experienced our lives today often revolve around the cell phone as it has become the main source of connection for us. I went to a Verizon Store only to find out  that it was a third-party dealer for Verizon and they couldn’t help me. I was told go to the service center which I did only t find out it wasn’t a service center but a Verizon Corporate Store. Upon entering I explained the situation and was told well you need to buy a new phone as your phone is no longer in warranty and the fact that I didn’t have insurance on the phone I would have to buy a new phone at the retail price. Upon hearing this I stated calmly there must be something you could do to which the reply was no I can’t call customer service. I called customer service explained the situation and by the end of the phone call I had a new phone at no charge. All I had to do is pay the upgrade fee. The phone is being shipped to me later this week. Now you might ask what does this have to do with dealing with our addicted children. The answers are this when dealing with your addicted child be patient, remain, calm, cool, and collected and you will achieve the desired outcome that you want.  In some cases when seeking treatment you may be told people can not help you and there is nothing they can do. Instead of getting angry take a breath and calmly ask them to search out other alternatives. This may take time however in the long run you can find the assistance you seek to help face the challenges of having an addicted child.

 In dealing with Verizon I thought of the 12 steps and many applied as I accepted there was a problem, the phone had to be fixed. With addiction the person must be fixed. I forgave the man who said he couldn’t assist me, I prayed to GOD to help me keep calm to resolve the problem, I then thanked GOD for resolving the problem. The 12 steps can apply to every aspect of your life as you move forward in a positive direction of reclaiming your power and stepping into your greatness.  It took much self-control to not get angry today at the Verizon Sales Person, however getting angry would not have reached a pleasant solution. Getting angry never serves us and only accelerates the negative aspects of the situation. When dealing with your addict you have the opportunity to step back and breathe and come from a calm, cool, and collected point of view. The addict may be upset when they contact you, they may point fingers, play the blame game, and try to manipulate you however if you step into your power in a calm manner you may deflect the challenge that this contact has created. A hard  thing to do is to say from day one,  when the issue of drug and alcohol use rears its ugly head is to set boundaries like if you don’t stop using you don’t receive the privileges that I have afforded to you. If the problem gets worse and your addict becomes an adult upon them turning 18 you set boundaries that if not followed consequences are enforced. Read More→

Addiction: Wiping Away The Tears and Moving Forward!!!!

Glee actor Cory Monteith has died at the age 31, it has been confirmed ... The news of Cory Monteith’s death from an overdose came across the TV the other day and I immediately thought another lost to drugs, Why? Cory was 31 and seemed to have it all, but that didn’t stop him from using and overdosing. I then thought of all the parents who have lost a son or daughter to drugs or alcohol and how they are wiping away the tears and moving forward. It takes a lot of courage and strength to come out and say my son or my daughter was an addict and overdosed or my son or daughter had too much to drink and decided to drive and was killed in a car crash.  The first step to wiping away the tears and moving forward is coming to grips with the loss of a child and then turning the tragedy of losing a son or daughter into a positive by educating others and stopping their children from getting caught up in the cycle of addiction.  In her book Turning Loss Into Joy Vashon Marie Sarkisian gives the reader seven steps to heal the pain.

Accepting the loss and not blaming yourself is a step to help wipe away the tears and move forward. Understanding that you did what you believed in your heart to be right is the only solace that you need. By moving forward you do not erase the pain but you find ways to ease it, be it volunteering at  a local rehab center, starting a scholarship in memory of your son or daughter,  Sharing your stories to help others, or sitting in prayer will assist you in the process of dealing with the loss of your son or daughter. Read More→

Jul
10

Addiction: Overcoming The Pain!!!

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Addiction: Overcoming The Pain!!!!

 As I visited www.addictsmom.com I read many stories of the pain that the addict has caused to the mother and other family members. As I read the stories I began to think that there must be a way to overcome the pain and move forward with one’s personal and professional life. The hope of every parent of an addict is that the addict will break free and stop causing pain to themselves and their family. In many cases a parent’s  pain is so great that they shut down completely and become very distant and as a result their life goes into a downward spiral and they begin to suffer physically, mentally, financially and spiritually as they become so wrapped up in trying to save the addict that it only causes more pain for them and the family.

 In dealing with the pain remember you did not create the problem, you can not control the problem, and you can not cure the problem. Too many times I hear a parent ask what did I do wrong? The answer is you did not do anything wrong as you did the best you could with the resources you had. Many times a parent does not want to face the pain as it begins and doesn’t confront the problem until the pain is to great that the parent has to face it.  This comes from FEAR, which is false evidence appearing real. The reality is that as a parent you can not control every choice your child makes. You can guide them and hope that they listen and understand that you know a few things and if they make a poor choice to use drugs or alcohol that you confront them each time with love and show them that their choice is not the best. If they choose not to listen than it is on them. At that point is when you say you will not cause pain to me or our family and set boundaries. If they are under 18 you can send them to counseling and you can do let them know that their bad behavior as a result of poor choices will not be tolerated. Remember it is not your job to be their friend it is your responsibility to shine your light and guide them. If the child is over 18 you give them a choice either straighten up and stop using or leave the house until the time you are clean. This may seem harsh however it is necessary to stop the addict from using you for money and to stop draining you emotionally. Read More→

Jul
03

Addiction: Finding A Way Out!!!

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Addiction: Finding A Way Out!!!!

 There may be no easy way out but there is a way out.  The way out starts when you accept the fact that your child is an addict and you are powerless over the addiction. As you embark on your journey to find a way out remember that you did not create the addiction, you can not control the addiction, and you can not cure the addiction. You can however take control of your life  by making sure you let go and let GOD. When you understand that everything has happened for a reason and you find what that reason is you can work your way out of the issues created by having an addicted child. The dynamics involved are very complex  and trying to figure out what went wrong is fruitless the only thing you can do is find a way out. The way out can be in the form of detaching with love until the addict is serious about getting help and making a change in their life. This is a tough step as it means that you will cut off communication with the addict until they get help and are sober (clean) for 30 days. Another way out is to support the addict emotionally and spiritually but not financially by being a loving mirror and shining your light for them to see. You can begin to focus on yourself and the other members of your family and move toward your goals and their goals.

Addiction: Finding A Way Out – Removing Fear

 The biggest fear a parent of an addict has is that their child will die on the streets. For many parents this fear has become a reality and their way out came with burying their child. The fear can be erased by focusing on you and the other members of the family. It is when you shine your light and share your story at sites like www.addictsmom.com that you continue to remove the fear of losing your child.  The time is now to face everything and rise by acknowledging the fact that you child is an addict and all you can do is watch things unfold as it is their choice to move forward and get help. Read More→

Addiction: The 3 Rs – Reflect, Relax, Rejuvenate!!!

 This Michael Jackson song, Man In The Mirror, is the first song I think of when I think about reflection as it all starts with ourselves. It is when we take a deep look at who we truly are and discover our authentic self and embrace this that we can be of assistance to the addict. In order to be of assistance to the addict the addict must be open to receive. If you want to change the situation you must take steps to reflect and then commit to change.  It is through reflection that we can find the root cause of the situation and then begin to plant new seeds and create a harvest of joy and abundance. This is not an easy thing to do as it takes courage to recognize your own faults and to work on being a better person when dealing with the fact that you have an addicted child.

 It is through reflection that you can move forward to improve the situation that having an addicted child has created. In many cases it is when we stop blaming ourselves and forgive ourselves that we are able to detach with love from the addict and realize that when they are ready to heal themselves they will. Hopefully the decision to get help will come in time so they can turn things around and have a productive life. The fact of the matter is that when you reflect and realize that you did the best you could with the tools you had you will be able to move forward and help yourself and your other family members.  As you do your reflection exercises be it through meditation, keeping a journal, saying prayers, writing forgiveness letters, attending support group meetings, or sharing at www.addictsmom.com, you may want to suggest to the addict that they do the same. Keep in mind the addict will only do the reflection exercises when they are ready and see the value of doing the reflection exercises. Read More→

Jun
05

Addiction: Cleansing The Wounds!!!

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Addiction: Cleansing The Wounds!!!

 As I visited www.addictsmom.com, a FREE Membership Site, where mothers of addicts can share without shame, find resources, and see that they are not alone I saw many comments about the wounds left by addicts. These emotional scars carry a huge burden until they are released or cleansed.  Just like a wound on our body these emotional scars should be treated with our own peroxide. Our peroxide can be in the form of spiritual guidance, seeing a counselor, making a decision to detach with love from the addict, and making the conscious decision to stop allowing our child’s addiction to be the focus of our life.  Just as the rain cleanses the earth and replenishes we should see to cleanse and replenish ourselves by making a mind, body, soul connection. The moment we decide to cleanse is the moment we will begin to feel liberated and thus have the ability to move forward with our lives and thus positively impact the lives of others in our family and outside our family?

Addiction: Cleansing The  Wounds – The Steps!!!

 The first step is to remove the stigma of being a parent of an addict. There is no shame in having an addicted child as stuff happens. In many cases there was nothing you did right nor wrong. Addiction happens because of many factors such as low self-worth, the addict doesn’t feel accepted or loved. In some cases it was just a matter that the only parenting skills you had were the skills you learned from your parents. The addict may have felt that you were judgmental and  non-supportive and thus turned to drugs and alcohol as a way to get your attention.  You as a parent probably began to internalize the notion what will everyone think and thus fed into the problem  and thus made it worse, you are not to blame as you were doing the best you could with the tools you have. The key is to remove the stigma stop worrying about what others will think and step up and say my son/daughter is an addict and we are working things out. Read More→

May
22

Addiction: Changing Your Attitude!!!!

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Addiction: Changing Your Attitude!!!

 Today’s blog post was inspired by Whitney Houston’s song, The Greatest Love Of All, as it helped me to shift my attitude and move forward in a positive direction. Whitney Houston was called home to GOD as a result of an overdose. Her beautiful messages delivered in song were a mask for the pain she was suffering. This led me to ask a question what pain are you masking as a result of having an addicted child? I then began to ask what challenges are being heightened because of the attitude you are showing toward the addict?
  Think about all the interactions you have with your addicted and the attitude you displayed when dealing with your child? Did you come from a position of love or a position of anger? Did you come from a position of hope or a position of fear?  When the phone rings and it is your addicted child do you cringe and say now what or do you take a deep breath and say I will be loving and supportive? When you see their name in an email do you say oh no delete or do you read and respond in a caring and loving way? The energy and attitude that you display will be the energy that you get back.  I know it is hard to do what Beverly Buncher suggests and Be a Loving Mirror. In past blog entries we touched on forgiveness, which generally leads to having a better attitude when dealing with the addict. Read More→

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