Archive for Spiritual Tools

Addiction: Love Is Thicker Than Water!!!


 This song was written and performed by Andy Gibb, who died of what appeared to be a heart attack on March 10, 1988. It was believed that his abuse of cocaine led to his heart failing. Andy Gibb was 30 years old. This got me to thinking when are we as a nation really going to take on the issue of drug abuse? When are we going to stop glorifying celebrities like Lindsey Lohan and those who continue to make poor choices?  When  are we going to begin to focus on prevention? If your child never started using the problem of his or her addiction would not be interfering with your life and having a negative effect on your other family members.

 Andy Gibb wrote about love however as you read interviews that he conducted you would see that he didn’t love himself and felt his accomplishments were minor. This could explain his turning to cocaine for like most addicts they turn to drugs because of their lack of self-worth. They do not believe they are deserving of the best and thus they get into a self-destruction  mode and one day they are gone. May parents reading this blog know to well the feeling of loss as they have experienced it first hand and when they hear these songs they bring memories of better times.  Tracking the life of an addict that is still deep into their addiction  brings many answers but also leaves many questions?

 Parents who are dealing with an addict know this cycle all too well and do their best to break the cycle. The question is how did this start? The answer is that your child was lacking a sense of belonging and turning to drugs gave him or her what they were seeking. The next question is why did it continue? It continued because they didn’t feel a need to stop and did not realize the problems their drug use was creating. In some cases what a parent thought was loving became enabling and thus never forced the child to fend for themselves. In some cases it was just the simple fact that it was easier to blame everyone else instead of being accountable for their actions. The question remains how do you break the cycle? The answer is you do not break the cycle the addict must break the cycle. When the addict is serious about recovery then and only then is progress made. You can not guilt your child into getting better, you can not continue to through money at the problem because that doesn’t help, you can’s make excuses as that worsens the problem. The best thing you as a parent can do is to set boundaries and keep to the boundaries. The worst case scenario is that you get that knock on the door saying your child is dead can you identify the body. This happens everyday in America and it is sad because in many cases the loss could have been prevented. The best case scenario is that the addict decides that his poor choices as a result of using no longer serve him or her and they make an effort to stop and get sober and remain sober. Read More→


Addiction: We Have Only Just Begun!!!

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Addiction: New Beginnings!!!


 As I listened to Only the Beginning by Chicago I began to think about all the trial and tribulations that a mother of an addict goes through and how important it is to turn the page create a new beginning. It is only fitting that today we turn the page of the calendar to begin a new month. The month of May marks a special day for mothers and this Mother’s Day I suggest you create a new beginning by doing something special for yourself and then everyday do something that brings joy and happiness into your life.

 I have read many stories at, where the mother seems to be holding on and hoping that the addict will change. The addict is not going to change until they are ready to change. In many cases the mother will get the news that their son or daughter was found dead of an overdose or involved in a drug related death. This is the saddest news a mother will ever hear. The mother will think what did I do wrong and what could have I done differently? The answer is you didn’t do anything wrong you did what you felt was right in your heart. There is nothing you could have done differently as you did the best you could with the tools you had. As stated earlier you are not to blame as your child made a choice and it turned out to be a bad choice. The silver lining in this is that now you can create a new beginning by starting a group to help others that have felt the pain that you have felt. You can fund a scholarship at a treatment center to get someone help. The loss a child is sad however you can move forward an create a legacy of hope by honoring your child’s memory.

 Each day is a new opportunity. This is a difficult concept for some to totally wrap their head around. You can not go backwards and it doesn’t serve you to look at the past unless you are willing to let go and move forward. Looking to the future and projecting what might happen doesn’t serve you either as it creates stress. The only thing for certain is today and thus it is important to use your 24 hours wisely. In interacting with your addicted child think what was done in the past might have been hurtful and deceitful however that was then this is now. I usually write in the past and up until I had issues with_______________________, from this time forward I will be better at dealing with these issues. I also will remind myself that it is my responsibility to shine my light and be an example.  You are in control and if your dealings with your addicted child gets to be too much where it is a determinant to you and those around you then you have to make the hard decision and severe ties until they get clean and show that they are accountable for their actions. This at times is the catalyst for a new beginning as you will sense and experience a burden being lifted away. It is when you peel back the onion and understand that you can not fix the addict as the addict needs to fix themselves that you will be able to move forward and have a new beginning. Read More→

Addiction: Stopping The Emotional Roller Coaster!!!!


  Have you felt like you are riding an emotional roller coaster when dealing with the fact that your child is an addict? Do you feel like you are going in circles in dealing with the issue? Well you are not alone. When you visit you will see that there are many mothers going through the same trials and tribulations that you are going through. As I read the stories at I began to see a common thread of mothers as they are riding an emotional roller coaster. This brought to mind the question how do you stop the emotional roller coaster.

   You can simply wait until the addict puts on the brakes and stops or you can be proactive and set boundaries.  By being proactive and setting and sticking to boundaries you will be able to stop the emotional roller coaster. As you stop the emotional roller coaster you start to become healthier and your dealings with the addict becomes easier. Detaching the emotional charges associated with the situation will help to distress the situation  because you step into your power and stop the emotional roller coaster.  Remind yourself that the roller coaster has come to a stop and it is now time to get off and exit. Read More→

Addiction: Why The War On Drugs Is Failing?

 This quote by Carl Jung explains why The War On Drugs Is Failing. It is that simple what you resist persists and tends to become a controlling factor.

     The war on drugs is failing because it is actually a war on society and people for many people in power do not want to solve the problem of drug abuse as it has become a big cash cow for them. Just look at this paradigm we are spending millions of dollars in Afghanistan to protect poppy fields which lead to drug production which leads to the destruction of people and thus allows those who wish to exploit others to stay in power. We are so busy fighting the war on drugs that we continue to create resistance and thus drug abuse persists. Think about it  when you found out your son or daughter  was an addict, what was the first thing you said?  You probably expressed a disdain for you were fearful and you began to ask what did I do wrong? The answer is simple you didn’t do anything wrong. If someone wants to use they are going to use. If someone wants to stop using they will stop using, however as long as drugs and alcohol are readily available there will always be abuse. By declaring war on anything you only make the situation worse. Read More→


Addiction: Making Things Better!!!

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Addiction: Making Things Better!!!


 As I was searching for what to write about today I found this ELO Song and  it reminded me that things get better if we take the steps to make them better. Things may seem tough and you may feel distraught, however you can take solace in the knowledge that you have the power to make things better. In many cases it takes making a difficult decision such as letting go and letting GOD.  When things seem tough I recite the following so as to find strength to make things better:


 In order to make things better we must understand there are certain thing we can not change and certain things we can change. We have the power to change the way we think and react to a certain situation. We have the power to remove things and people who no longer serve us from out lives so we can make things better.  We can take the first step and realize that there is a problem and we can then choose to be part of the problem and keep adding fuel to the fire and allow it to burn out of control or we can come up with a plan to change the situation and fan the flames so that they burn out. Read More→

Addiction: Words And Their Influence

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Addiction: Words And Their Influence!!!!!

 As I listened to Hawk Nelson’s Song, Words, I began to realize just how much power our words have to us and to those we speak with.  Think about how many times  you used words to describe yourself or your addicted child and the effect that the words had on the both of you. As I visited, a FREE Membership Site dedicated to helping mothers of addicts by providing a place to share with shame, to find resources, and see that they are not alone, I saw many descriptions of situations where the words being used were only continuing the negative cycle caused by having an addicted child.  As I left the site and began to process the comments I began to think how important word choices are as they will influence the circumstances we are in either in a positive or a negative way.

 Dr. Wayne Dyer expresses just how important our words are in his book, Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life as he takes you on a journey of self discovery.  The power of our words are amazing. Take a moment and  say I have to speak to my child about their addiction, now change it to I get to speak to my child about their addiction. Take note of the difference you felt in using I get to instead of I have to. Now over the next 21 days begins to remove the I Have To as a description and  use I get to, I am going to, I will, and see the shift that begins to occur in your dealing with your child that is challenged by addiction. Read More→


Addiction: You Shall Overcome!!!

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Addiction: You Shall Overcome!!!!


  Today’s blog post was inspired by Louis Armstrong’s rendition of a Negro Hymn that was made popular during the civil rights movement. As I listened to the lyrics I began to realize that the message can be universal as we all face challenges and we will overcome these challenges. For a mother dealing with an addicted child it may seem difficult to overcome the challenges that you face each day. I am here to tell you that you shall overcome because you are strong and determined to face the challenges and you know have resources that can assist you in overcoming the adversity of having an addicted child. Some of these resources include: Read More→

Addiction: You Are Stronger Than You Think!!!


 Today’s post was inspired by Mandisa’s song stronger. As I listened to the lyrics I began to realize that you are stronger than you think. You have conquered the first step in becoming stronger in recognizing that addiction has affected your family life. As a parent it takes great strength to come out and let people know that your son or daughter is an addict. As I continue to share with mothers of addicts at, a FREE Membership Site dedicated to providing a place for mothers of addicts to share without shame, find resources, and see that they are not alone I realize just how strong you all are in coming forth to tackle the issue of addiction.

 As you begin to embrace your strength you will also realize that you have a power inside of you that can propel you to face and conquer the challenges you are facing so as to become a healthy parent. Becoming strong as a parent is important as you can ony help others if you are strong and healthy. A great resource can be found at, where Denny Coates gives advice to parents to strengthen their relationships with their sons and daughters.

 We find we are stronger than we think when we quiet the mind and go deep inside ourselves to find an inner strength that we may have not known before. Playing a video like this and shutting off the world and seeking the answers from the inside will lead us to become stronger in all of our dealings with a son or daughter that is an addict. There are many great resources like this video to help you to become stronger than you think. Read More→

Addiction: Be The President Of Your Life!!!!

    On Monday 2/18/2013 the country celebrated President’s Day, which originally was the combining of  Lincoln’s Birthday and Washington’s Birthday. The holiday today celebrates all presidents. This inspired to write this entry today to help you to be the president of your life. As I visited, a FREE Membership Site where mothers of addicts can come together and share without shame, find resources, and see that they are not alone I saw many stories of mothers who are at a crossroads in their life and really should take charge of their life and begin to put themselves first. So many of the stories focused on what their child was going through and how they could fix it? The harsh reality is you can’t. The addict has to be the one who fixes it. Many of the mothers told stories of how they are so fraught with despair that they are unable to do for themselves. As I read I kept thinking it is your life be the president of your life. Make an executive order to put yourself first because you can not help others if you aren’t helping yourself.

 One way to help yourself is to visit and see how other mothers are putting themselves first. It is important to take control of your life and understand the addict is going to do what they are going to do. You can not live their life. You can give them all the advice in the world, you can give them emotional and spiritual support, you can even help financially, however until they are fully committed to the process of getting clean it will remain a revolving door. The harsh reality is that you did not cause the addiction the addict made the choice to use and they now have a choice to keep using or to stop? The addict is also the president of their life. Read More→

Addiction: Don Miguel Ruiz Turns Lives Around With Four Agreements!!!


As I read the stories in The Addict’s Mom Facebook Groups and at I began to think what one tool could I give to the mothers of addicts that may assist them with their struggle? The answer came in the form of Don Miguel Ruiz’ book, The Four Agreements. The four agreements is based on Toltec Philosophy.  As I looked at each agreement I began to think that every mother of an addict should have a copy of the book and every addict should have a copy.  If the addict truly wants recovery and the joys of being drug and alcohol free he/she will make an effort to follow the four agreements. These agreements are made by the individual to themselves so as to have a greater connection to GOD and thus begin living the life that GOD intended. If you work on these agreements with the addict when they are ready to receive and take positive action to improve their life you will begin to see improvements in your relationship with the addict. Read More→