Archive for The Recovery Process

Addiction: Love Is Thicker Than Water!!!

 

 This song was written and performed by Andy Gibb, who died of what appeared to be a heart attack on March 10, 1988. It was believed that his abuse of cocaine led to his heart failing. Andy Gibb was 30 years old. This got me to thinking when are we as a nation really going to take on the issue of drug abuse? When are we going to stop glorifying celebrities like Lindsey Lohan and those who continue to make poor choices?  When  are we going to begin to focus on prevention? If your child never started using the problem of his or her addiction would not be interfering with your life and having a negative effect on your other family members.

 Andy Gibb wrote about love however as you read interviews that he conducted you would see that he didn’t love himself and felt his accomplishments were minor. This could explain his turning to cocaine for like most addicts they turn to drugs because of their lack of self-worth. They do not believe they are deserving of the best and thus they get into a self-destruction  mode and one day they are gone. May parents reading this blog know to well the feeling of loss as they have experienced it first hand and when they hear these songs they bring memories of better times.  Tracking the life of an addict that is still deep into their addiction  brings many answers but also leaves many questions?

 Parents who are dealing with an addict know this cycle all too well and do their best to break the cycle. The question is how did this start? The answer is that your child was lacking a sense of belonging and turning to drugs gave him or her what they were seeking. The next question is why did it continue? It continued because they didn’t feel a need to stop and did not realize the problems their drug use was creating. In some cases what a parent thought was loving became enabling and thus never forced the child to fend for themselves. In some cases it was just the simple fact that it was easier to blame everyone else instead of being accountable for their actions. The question remains how do you break the cycle? The answer is you do not break the cycle the addict must break the cycle. When the addict is serious about recovery then and only then is progress made. You can not guilt your child into getting better, you can not continue to through money at the problem because that doesn’t help, you can’s make excuses as that worsens the problem. The best thing you as a parent can do is to set boundaries and keep to the boundaries. The worst case scenario is that you get that knock on the door saying your child is dead can you identify the body. This happens everyday in America and it is sad because in many cases the loss could have been prevented. The best case scenario is that the addict decides that his poor choices as a result of using no longer serve him or her and they make an effort to stop and get sober and remain sober. Read More→

Addiction: Stopping The Emotional Roller Coaster!!!!

 

  Have you felt like you are riding an emotional roller coaster when dealing with the fact that your child is an addict? Do you feel like you are going in circles in dealing with the issue? Well you are not alone. When you visit www.addictsmom.com you will see that there are many mothers going through the same trials and tribulations that you are going through. As I read the stories at www.addictsmom.com I began to see a common thread of mothers as they are riding an emotional roller coaster. This brought to mind the question how do you stop the emotional roller coaster.

   You can simply wait until the addict puts on the brakes and stops or you can be proactive and set boundaries.  By being proactive and setting and sticking to boundaries you will be able to stop the emotional roller coaster. As you stop the emotional roller coaster you start to become healthier and your dealings with the addict becomes easier. Detaching the emotional charges associated with the situation will help to distress the situation  because you step into your power and stop the emotional roller coaster.  Remind yourself that the roller coaster has come to a stop and it is now time to get off and exit. Read More→

Apr
17

Addiction: Be A Believer!!!

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Addiction: Be A Believer!!!

 

 As I thought about what to write today I found The Monkees, I Am A Believer, and I thought what a great message to send to parents of addicts because we all need something or someone to believe in. Most addicts are looking for someone who will believe in them and if you become that believer you may just put them on a path to recovery. You can verbalize your feelings, send cards, and show them support emotionally not financially to show that you believe in them. Many addicts become addicts because they didn’t believe in themselves and had no one believing in them. All people are looking for one thing and that is to be loved and if they don’t get it at home or school they turn to other means such as drugs. The drugs mask the pain but it feels so good that the addict continues to use to escape the issues that have created the problem. The key is to do your best to overcome the problem by being a believer.

 As I searched for ways to convey the message of being a believer I came across this Air Supply song, Someone Who Believes in You.  I thought what if you made this pledge before your child began using and you really meant it and you were their in a loving way not an enabling way. If your child begins to use you can play this song and make a pledge and have the child also sign the pledge to be there for you as well. As a parent it is important to remember you made a conscious decision to bring a child into the world and that until they reach the age of adult hood you have some type of responsibility to keep them healthy and safe. This is not done by spoiling them or over indulging them this is done by be a loving parent who understands you are not there to be a friend to your child but to be the one who will guide them and lift them. When a child makes a good choice praise them and when they make a bad choice in your eyes stay calm and explain why it was a bad choice. Many times they will not process what you are saying and think you are getting on them because the synapses and the judgment part of their brain has not developed fully yet. There is a website www.strongforparenting.com that can help you become a believer. Read More→

Addiction: Why The War On Drugs Is Failing?

 This quote by Carl Jung explains why The War On Drugs Is Failing. It is that simple what you resist persists and tends to become a controlling factor.

     The war on drugs is failing because it is actually a war on society and people for many people in power do not want to solve the problem of drug abuse as it has become a big cash cow for them. Just look at this paradigm we are spending millions of dollars in Afghanistan to protect poppy fields which lead to drug production which leads to the destruction of people and thus allows those who wish to exploit others to stay in power. We are so busy fighting the war on drugs that we continue to create resistance and thus drug abuse persists. Think about it  when you found out your son or daughter  was an addict, what was the first thing you said?  You probably expressed a disdain for you were fearful and you began to ask what did I do wrong? The answer is simple you didn’t do anything wrong. If someone wants to use they are going to use. If someone wants to stop using they will stop using, however as long as drugs and alcohol are readily available there will always be abuse. By declaring war on anything you only make the situation worse. Read More→

Addiction: Yellow Ribbons, Yellow Flags, And Hope

 

 Tony Orlando and Dawn’s song Tie A Yellow Ribbon has become an anthem to welcome those returning home. The yellow ribbon on the tree has come to symbolize a love and desire to have the person returning involved in the family. For mothers of addicts they want a clean and sober addict to return home and for the addict they want a caring mother to welcome them with open arms and a whole lot of love. The most difficult task for a mother of an addict is to accept that was has been done is done, the future is uncertain, so accept the moment. A mother of an addict can tie that yellow ribbon and hope for the best. The mother must first and foremost take care of themself by reminding themself that she is special and that she deserves love and respect. Read More→

Addiction: Be The President Of Your Life!!!!

    On Monday 2/18/2013 the country celebrated President’s Day, which originally was the combining of  Lincoln’s Birthday and Washington’s Birthday. The holiday today celebrates all presidents. This inspired to write this entry today to help you to be the president of your life. As I visited www.addictsmom.com, a FREE Membership Site where mothers of addicts can come together and share without shame, find resources, and see that they are not alone I saw many stories of mothers who are at a crossroads in their life and really should take charge of their life and begin to put themselves first. So many of the stories focused on what their child was going through and how they could fix it? The harsh reality is you can’t. The addict has to be the one who fixes it. Many of the mothers told stories of how they are so fraught with despair that they are unable to do for themselves. As I read I kept thinking it is your life be the president of your life. Make an executive order to put yourself first because you can not help others if you aren’t helping yourself.

 One way to help yourself is to visit www.addictsmom.com and see how other mothers are putting themselves first. It is important to take control of your life and understand the addict is going to do what they are going to do. You can not live their life. You can give them all the advice in the world, you can give them emotional and spiritual support, you can even help financially, however until they are fully committed to the process of getting clean it will remain a revolving door. The harsh reality is that you did not cause the addiction the addict made the choice to use and they now have a choice to keep using or to stop? The addict is also the president of their life. Read More→

Addiction: Don Miguel Ruiz Turns Lives Around With Four Agreements!!!

 

As I read the stories in The Addict’s Mom Facebook Groups and at www.addictsmom.com I began to think what one tool could I give to the mothers of addicts that may assist them with their struggle? The answer came in the form of Don Miguel Ruiz’ book, The Four Agreements. The four agreements is based on Toltec Philosophy.  As I looked at each agreement I began to think that every mother of an addict should have a copy of the book and every addict should have a copy.  If the addict truly wants recovery and the joys of being drug and alcohol free he/she will make an effort to follow the four agreements. These agreements are made by the individual to themselves so as to have a greater connection to GOD and thus begin living the life that GOD intended. If you work on these agreements with the addict when they are ready to receive and take positive action to improve their life you will begin to see improvements in your relationship with the addict. Read More→

        

Addiction:Baseball Hall Of Fame Voters Teach Valuable Lesson

It was announced today(1/9/13) by The Baseball Writers Association of America that there would be no inductees to The Baseball Hall of Fame this year. The ballot had many deserving players however many of the players on the ballot were linked to illegal steroid use. You may be wondering what this has to do with addiction and helping mother’s of addicts. It teaches us some very valuable lessons when it comes to illegal drug use: Read More→

      

Addiction: Oprah Winfrey Delivers Message For 2013

As I searched for quotes about beginning a new and ways to usher in 2013 I found the quote from Oprah Winfrey ” Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”  I began to think how profound a message as every day we have a chance to make things right with those that are challenged by addiction. We have choices to do what we believe is right in our heart and that will effectively change the way we interact with the addict. We can choose to change the way we look at the situation and do things differently or we can say  same stuff different day.  There really is no right or wrong as every situation is a bit different in some cases tough love works while in others that tough love makes the situation worse and the addict is lost both literally and figuratively. As a parent you may question if you are making the right choice and the answer is yes as it is your choice made from the heart. Many of the mothers that visit www.addictsmom.com ask am I doing the right thing and I always answer that you must do what is best for you. The circle of addiction is a tough one to break, however every day you have a chance to get it right so that you can turn your life around and by turning your life around you will be an example to the addict so that when the time comes when they are serious about getting clean you will be able to help them in their recovery. Read More→

   

Addiction: The Fine Line Between Enabling and Love

  Recently The Addict’s  Mom has been exploring the subject of enabling through its FRRE membership site, www.addictsmom.com, and through its monthly conference call at 605-477-2199 pin 131099# reference #36.  In a recent post at www.addictsmom.com, Barbara Theodosiou the founder began her entry Titled Enabling Is Not Loving with the following,

My child I fixed it when you broke it, I replaced when you lost it, I protected you with my life, I didn’t want you to hurt so I fixed it and fixed it and fixed it. Now who is going to fix you?

Enabling is not love!! Love is fostering independence in yourself and others. I believe that is the single greatest gift you can give anyone …their independence. To read her entire entry please visit the FREE Membership Site. Read More→

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