Archive for Turning Points

Addiction Stepping Up And Stepping Out?

 In the ever expanding fight against addiction it is important to step up and step out to help those affected by addiction.  In stepping into your power and stepping up to the plate you begin to see that you are not alone in this battle and that there is help for you and your family.  It is time for all parents of addicted children to erase the stigma of having an addicted child. Understand people will be quick to judge because they don’t understand as they have not walked in your shoes and are most likely happy because it is not their kid. They don’t know that it could easily be their kid as addiction is becoming a pandemic in our country. Instead of others judging they should step to the plate and join in supporting the families affected by addiction. In stepping up to the plate and getting involved you can stem the tide of addiction. You may not eradicate it totally however by making an effort and doing what you can with what you have and doing it now you can alleviate a bit of the pain and suffering that you may be experiencing due to the fact that you have an addicted child.

One way to step up to the plate is to make plans to join The Addict’s Mom on May 17, 2014 at 10 AM at The Town of Davie Town Hall. I would suggest you leave the power stilettos at  home and break out your sneakers. In addition to speakers there will be an opportunity to walk a mile and share with other parents who are going through what you are going through. The hardest thing for a parent of an addicted child to face is the fact that their child has a problem. That is where www.addictsmom.com comes in as it provides an opportunity to share without shame, find resources, and see that you are not alone. In many cases it is getting over the stigma of having an addicted child that allows you to step to the plate. It takes much courage to step out and step to the place and to step out of the comfort zone to say Hello my name is_______ and I am the parent of an addict. After you admit to this reality you can then work on the healing process by understanding you did not create the problem, you can not control the problem, and you can not cure the problem. Read More→

May
07

Addiction: It Is Laundry Time!!!

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Addiction: It Is Laundry Time!!!

Have you ever put off doing your laundry and allowed it to pile up and then you have this sense of overwhelm and you continue to make excuses until one day you finally decide that it is time to do the laundry. This describes what many parents and family members go through when dealing with an addict. Addiction has reached nearly pandemic levels in America and yet like the laundry piling  law makers and others continue to make excuses and let it continue to pile up. It is time that everyone affected by addiction stood up and said it is time to do the laundry. Now you may be asking with all the loads of laundry to do where do we start? The answer is put in the first load and do one load at a time. If we are to cleanse our country of addiction we must first look at the root cause of addiction and that is the reason drugs are so prevalent and readily available in our neighborhoods. One is because there is money to be made another is because so many people are looking for love and acceptance and turn to the drugs and the drug culture because of the lack of love and acceptance they perceive to be receiving.

 Another reason drug and alcohol use is increasing in our society is that those using have not developed the mental acuity to judge and see consequences.  A persons judgmental skills and critical thinking skills develops from the age of 12-22. During this period of time of the neurons of the brain do not connect with the frontal lobes due to drug and alcohol use and abuse the person gets stuck in that mental age for life. Imagine dealing with a an addict at age 25 who has the mental capacity of a 16 year old. This addict may not understand that it is time to do the laundry and to clean up their act as they are still acting out of impulse and not thinking of consequences. The only way to combat this is to do the laundry and make sure you are actively involved in your child’s life. Remember you are not here to be their friend you are here to guide them and develop them.

 When doing our laundry we have a regiment wash, dry, fold, put away. When dealing with an addict you must also have a regiment. Set boundaries, keep boundaries, be loving, take care of yourself first before taking care of the addict. The best thing would be if you never had an addicted child for all those that had influence over your child would have washed them of all their negativity that led to them using drugs.  The child would have been dried and their mindset would have been one of staying away from drugs. The child would have been folded into a group that lifted them and made them feel loved and accepted without the use of drugs. The child would have been put away clean every night and woke up every morning with a sense of purpose. Unfortunately this did not happen and you have an addict as a child so it is time to do the laundry. Read More→

Apr
25

Addiction: Step By Step!!!!

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Addiction: Step By Step!!!

 

 In the process of recovery it is important to not only have the addict working a program but also to have the family of the addict working a program. So many times a mother or father will get so caught up in the child’s addiction that they suffer emotionally and physically. To avoid this it is important to put together a program that allows you to be healthy both mentally and physically for you are of  no value to anyone if you are not healthy.  In many cases it is as simple of working your own 12 step program.

 

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Read More→

Apr
16

Addiction: Taking Steps Of Hope!!!

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Addiction: Taking Steps Of Hope!!!!

 

 As I was sitting down to plan a special event to help mothers of addicted children, Steps Of Hope, I came across this song and thought yes it is time for us to do something. It is time for us to unite and come together to remove the stigma of having an addicted child. It is time for us to band together and show that addiction is affecting us all and that it can be overcome. It is time for us to take steps of hope.

On May 17, 2014 in my hometown of Davie, FL from 10 AM – 12:30 PM I will be hosting Steps of Hope and bringing people together to share without shame in hopes of positively impacting the lives of those affected by addiction.  Each day I take steps of hope by running The Addict’s Mom Facebook Group and overseeing www.addictsmom.com. Read More→

Addiction: Staying Calm Cool and Collected!!!

  Today I have a lesson learned from my dealing with Verizon Wireless that will translate very nicely for parents dealing with addicted children and how to face the challenges of having an addicted child head on. It all started the other day when my battery for my Droid Razr swelled and began creating issues. As many of us have experienced our lives today often revolve around the cell phone as it has become the main source of connection for us. I went to a Verizon Store only to find out  that it was a third-party dealer for Verizon and they couldn’t help me. I was told go to the service center which I did only t find out it wasn’t a service center but a Verizon Corporate Store. Upon entering I explained the situation and was told well you need to buy a new phone as your phone is no longer in warranty and the fact that I didn’t have insurance on the phone I would have to buy a new phone at the retail price. Upon hearing this I stated calmly there must be something you could do to which the reply was no I can’t call customer service. I called customer service explained the situation and by the end of the phone call I had a new phone at no charge. All I had to do is pay the upgrade fee. The phone is being shipped to me later this week. Now you might ask what does this have to do with dealing with our addicted children. The answers are this when dealing with your addicted child be patient, remain, calm, cool, and collected and you will achieve the desired outcome that you want.  In some cases when seeking treatment you may be told people can not help you and there is nothing they can do. Instead of getting angry take a breath and calmly ask them to search out other alternatives. This may take time however in the long run you can find the assistance you seek to help face the challenges of having an addicted child.

 In dealing with Verizon I thought of the 12 steps and many applied as I accepted there was a problem, the phone had to be fixed. With addiction the person must be fixed. I forgave the man who said he couldn’t assist me, I prayed to GOD to help me keep calm to resolve the problem, I then thanked GOD for resolving the problem. The 12 steps can apply to every aspect of your life as you move forward in a positive direction of reclaiming your power and stepping into your greatness.  It took much self-control to not get angry today at the Verizon Sales Person, however getting angry would not have reached a pleasant solution. Getting angry never serves us and only accelerates the negative aspects of the situation. When dealing with your addict you have the opportunity to step back and breathe and come from a calm, cool, and collected point of view. The addict may be upset when they contact you, they may point fingers, play the blame game, and try to manipulate you however if you step into your power in a calm manner you may deflect the challenge that this contact has created. A hard  thing to do is to say from day one,  when the issue of drug and alcohol use rears its ugly head is to set boundaries like if you don’t stop using you don’t receive the privileges that I have afforded to you. If the problem gets worse and your addict becomes an adult upon them turning 18 you set boundaries that if not followed consequences are enforced. Read More→

Addiction: Wiping Away The Tears and Moving Forward!!!!

Glee actor Cory Monteith has died at the age 31, it has been confirmed ... The news of Cory Monteith’s death from an overdose came across the TV the other day and I immediately thought another lost to drugs, Why? Cory was 31 and seemed to have it all, but that didn’t stop him from using and overdosing. I then thought of all the parents who have lost a son or daughter to drugs or alcohol and how they are wiping away the tears and moving forward. It takes a lot of courage and strength to come out and say my son or my daughter was an addict and overdosed or my son or daughter had too much to drink and decided to drive and was killed in a car crash.  The first step to wiping away the tears and moving forward is coming to grips with the loss of a child and then turning the tragedy of losing a son or daughter into a positive by educating others and stopping their children from getting caught up in the cycle of addiction.  In her book Turning Loss Into Joy Vashon Marie Sarkisian gives the reader seven steps to heal the pain.

Accepting the loss and not blaming yourself is a step to help wipe away the tears and move forward. Understanding that you did what you believed in your heart to be right is the only solace that you need. By moving forward you do not erase the pain but you find ways to ease it, be it volunteering at  a local rehab center, starting a scholarship in memory of your son or daughter,  Sharing your stories to help others, or sitting in prayer will assist you in the process of dealing with the loss of your son or daughter. Read More→

Jul
03

Addiction: Finding A Way Out!!!

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Addiction: Finding A Way Out!!!!

 There may be no easy way out but there is a way out.  The way out starts when you accept the fact that your child is an addict and you are powerless over the addiction. As you embark on your journey to find a way out remember that you did not create the addiction, you can not control the addiction, and you can not cure the addiction. You can however take control of your life  by making sure you let go and let GOD. When you understand that everything has happened for a reason and you find what that reason is you can work your way out of the issues created by having an addicted child. The dynamics involved are very complex  and trying to figure out what went wrong is fruitless the only thing you can do is find a way out. The way out can be in the form of detaching with love until the addict is serious about getting help and making a change in their life. This is a tough step as it means that you will cut off communication with the addict until they get help and are sober (clean) for 30 days. Another way out is to support the addict emotionally and spiritually but not financially by being a loving mirror and shining your light for them to see. You can begin to focus on yourself and the other members of your family and move toward your goals and their goals.

Addiction: Finding A Way Out – Removing Fear

 The biggest fear a parent of an addict has is that their child will die on the streets. For many parents this fear has become a reality and their way out came with burying their child. The fear can be erased by focusing on you and the other members of the family. It is when you shine your light and share your story at sites like www.addictsmom.com that you continue to remove the fear of losing your child.  The time is now to face everything and rise by acknowledging the fact that you child is an addict and all you can do is watch things unfold as it is their choice to move forward and get help. Read More→

Addiction: The 3 Rs – Reflect, Relax, Rejuvenate!!!

 This Michael Jackson song, Man In The Mirror, is the first song I think of when I think about reflection as it all starts with ourselves. It is when we take a deep look at who we truly are and discover our authentic self and embrace this that we can be of assistance to the addict. In order to be of assistance to the addict the addict must be open to receive. If you want to change the situation you must take steps to reflect and then commit to change.  It is through reflection that we can find the root cause of the situation and then begin to plant new seeds and create a harvest of joy and abundance. This is not an easy thing to do as it takes courage to recognize your own faults and to work on being a better person when dealing with the fact that you have an addicted child.

 It is through reflection that you can move forward to improve the situation that having an addicted child has created. In many cases it is when we stop blaming ourselves and forgive ourselves that we are able to detach with love from the addict and realize that when they are ready to heal themselves they will. Hopefully the decision to get help will come in time so they can turn things around and have a productive life. The fact of the matter is that when you reflect and realize that you did the best you could with the tools you had you will be able to move forward and help yourself and your other family members.  As you do your reflection exercises be it through meditation, keeping a journal, saying prayers, writing forgiveness letters, attending support group meetings, or sharing at www.addictsmom.com, you may want to suggest to the addict that they do the same. Keep in mind the addict will only do the reflection exercises when they are ready and see the value of doing the reflection exercises. Read More→

Jun
19

Addiction: You Are Not Alone!!!

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Addiction: You Are Not Alone!!!!

 

 As I prepared for the day today I heard this rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone by Barbara Streisand and thought about all the parents who have addicted children. I began to think how you are not alone in your challenge and desire to have your child become clean and sober. I then visited www.addictsmom.com and The Addict’s Mom Facebook page and saw the similarity of patterns of dealing with this cycle of addiction. As I saw some of the troubling stories I also saw many stories of hope dealing with the turn around the addict has made to become clean and sober as they stay on the path or recovery.  The important fact is to realize you are not the only one dealing with this as addiction has become a great health concern in our society.

 Once you accept the fact that your child is an addict and there really isn’t much you can do about it you will be able to move forward in a positive direction to get back on track with your life. The key is to accept the fact that your child is an addict and to understand you are not alone. After accepting the fact that your child is an addict do not try to figure out why or how it happened understand that there are groups you can turn to  in order to get yourself help to cope with this situation. By understanding that the addict made choices that were perhaps brought on by their perception of how they were treated you remove the problem of playing the blame game.  In many cases it is the attitude you bring to the situation that will determine the outcome. Take a step back and evaluate your behavior and see how it is affecting the behavior of those around you. Ask yourself how are my actions serving me in a positive way?  One phrase I always recommend to people is: In the past and up until now I had a problem with (fill in the blank), starting today I will (fill in the blank) to move forward in a positive direction. Read More→

Jun
05

Addiction: Cleansing The Wounds!!!

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Addiction: Cleansing The Wounds!!!

 As I visited www.addictsmom.com, a FREE Membership Site, where mothers of addicts can share without shame, find resources, and see that they are not alone I saw many comments about the wounds left by addicts. These emotional scars carry a huge burden until they are released or cleansed.  Just like a wound on our body these emotional scars should be treated with our own peroxide. Our peroxide can be in the form of spiritual guidance, seeing a counselor, making a decision to detach with love from the addict, and making the conscious decision to stop allowing our child’s addiction to be the focus of our life.  Just as the rain cleanses the earth and replenishes we should see to cleanse and replenish ourselves by making a mind, body, soul connection. The moment we decide to cleanse is the moment we will begin to feel liberated and thus have the ability to move forward with our lives and thus positively impact the lives of others in our family and outside our family?

Addiction: Cleansing The  Wounds – The Steps!!!

 The first step is to remove the stigma of being a parent of an addict. There is no shame in having an addicted child as stuff happens. In many cases there was nothing you did right nor wrong. Addiction happens because of many factors such as low self-worth, the addict doesn’t feel accepted or loved. In some cases it was just a matter that the only parenting skills you had were the skills you learned from your parents. The addict may have felt that you were judgmental and  non-supportive and thus turned to drugs and alcohol as a way to get your attention.  You as a parent probably began to internalize the notion what will everyone think and thus fed into the problem  and thus made it worse, you are not to blame as you were doing the best you could with the tools you have. The key is to remove the stigma stop worrying about what others will think and step up and say my son/daughter is an addict and we are working things out. Read More→

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