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Addiction: Forgivness A Step To Recovery

Many times when dealing with an addict a parent or sibling will blame themselves and thus make the situation worse. One way to begin the recovery process is to write a forgiveness letter to yourself and a forgiveness letter to the addict. The forgivness letter will serve as a way to start the recovery and healing process. Many times we find ourselves forsaking our mental and physical health because we are so wrapped up in dealing with the addict and feeling guilty, shameful, and embarrassed. To overcome these feelings we can write the forgiveness letter and keep it for our records or send it if we choose to. Many have found that writing a forgivness letter is a cathartic experience and has led to strengthening the relationship between themselves and the addict.

 

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Addiction: Tools for Forgivness

These are some books that can help you with for  forgiving yourself and others. Read More→

Addiction: Are You Addicted To Your Addict?

In a letter called The Letter of Obsession Barbara Theodosiou, Founder of The Addict’s Mom, an online community where mothers of addicted children can come together and share with out shame and find resources to help face the challenges of having an addicted child, stated that she had made her son’s addiction her own addiction.

Barbara Theodosiou was fatured on WPTV News recently and shared an exerpt from her Letter of Obsession. Her Letter of Obseession has encouraged others to submit their letters of obseesion as they face the reality that they have allowed their child’s addiction to take over their life and are now looking for assistance. Read More→

Somebody’s Mother

I revised this poem in honor  of The Addict’s Mom site:)

Somebody’s Mother

Somebody’s mother is crying,

Fearing her daughter/son is dying.

Dreading the next phone call

Drugs may have ended of it all.

A beautiful life is no more

Cocaine, pills and alcohol opened the door,

Each time led to one time more,

Innocence, can you be restored?

Oh my child, cannot you see?

Your lifestyle affects more than me?

You try to cover your pain,

But it keeps recurring again.

There is another way out,

Oh yes, it makes me want to shout,

A savior to redeem the sin,

Who can make you feel clean again,

He can make all things new,

He loves and is waiting for you.

He gives you a chance for new life

He knows you are sick of the strife,

Of living in this Hell on earth,

He came that you would find true worth.

He sees not as others see,

He remembers the sweet little child,

Who made her mother’s heart whirl,

The songs you sang even in night

“Some day it’s gonna be all right.”

So don’t make her cry any more,

Turn and walk through a new door,

To wholeness, happiness and more,

You can reach a new level, I know Today

Donna
Collins Tinsley copyright 2002 7/11/02

9/6/11 revised
version

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Ask The Addict’s Mom

This question was answered by Addict’s Mom valued members Teri Murgia Davis.

Question:  In the book of Isaiah God speaks though Isaiah addressing the denial of the people of Judah. What message does this story have as it speaks to truth in recovery?

 

Though it is never easy to face the truth, truth brings healing. In the book of Isaiah God spoke through Isaiah to address the denial of the people of Judah. Over the centuries they had become addicted to the false promises of idolatry. They had developed self-destructive patterns of behavior such as oppressing the poor, accepting bribes, and lying to get what they wanted. Although repeatedly confronted by Isaiah, the refused to admit their sins. Instead they blamed God for their sufferings, and the wondered why God refused to bless them. (Life recovery Bible)

For me, this is conformation that God had addiction and its destructive behavior figured out centuries and centuries ago! Even though Isaiah was sent by God he couldn’t make the people of Judah admit their sins. He was powerless over their choices, just as we are powerless over the choices our addict makes. Even God  had to practice tough love with the people of Judah by withholding His many blessings from them because of their unwillingness to admit their wrong doings. The lesson for me today is, God gave me a choice and I don’t have to miss out on his many Blessings!! I owe my recovery to God, and I made a choice to surrender my will to His care and control!!

 

 

 

 

 

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A very special thank you to my good friend Elaine Altman-Eller  for contributing so much to the Addict’s Mom, for sharing her heart, her friendship and her wisdom with all of our members. The Addict’s Mom is a team, a group who love and support one another with kindness and respect.  My life has been blessed by all of you and I believe that together we truly are stronger. Thank you Elaine, once again, for this beautiful post I am the lucky one to part such an amazing group of people.

Today I want to share with all of you that I feel we are lucky. Why are we lucky you may ask? Because we have what mothers have not had in the decades previous and that is this place. This Group called The Addict’s Mom. Yes there have been other groups that you could go to for support outside the home, but that was if you had the means to get there and if you had the time to spare in your daily schedule. Today we have this group at our fingertips and it’s been hugely beneficial to me as I am sure it is too many of you. Here you can share without shame, discuss the very things that you need to in order to get some peace of mind and exchange with one another hardships and ideas that are helpful if only to get through one more moment.

This group is growing in numbers and with that we are becoming a stronger force against the very thing we want to eliminate from our lives. The destruction that accompanies addiction is a force that seems insurmountable until you band together as one loud voice. It is said that a mother is a force to be reckoned with, well how about 2500 moms?? We are stronger and getting better through our ability to reach out and speak out on behalf of one another. Thank you Barbara Theodosiou, for creating a place that we can find compassion and support against a nightmare that none of us ever thought we would be caught up in, but are. Your vision to help other mothers has proven to be a sanity saver and to you we owe everything;) I no longer live in shame or isolation. I live with hope and Peace.

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Revolving Door

By: Elaine Altman-Eller

 

I removed that revolving door on my heart today; the one that kept on being used in ways that were harmful to us both. I removed it after I read and learned through my readings that you and I were caught in a cycle that wasn’t healthy for either of us. That revolving door was confusing my head and taking up too much of my mind space in all the wrong ways. I allowed it to be that way because I thought that was how it was supposed to be. That revolving door on my heart kept me so busy that I had forgotten that I was important too.

I read about boundaries and enabling and saw myself in a way I had never thought of before. I realized that by speaking out and reaching out to others that I was being used as an escape for your continued use of the very thing I want to rid you of. My heart wanted to keep you close and safe, but by allowing that revolving door to spin around and around, I was adding to your confusion as well.

So I closed it off. I have replaced it with a single door that swings only one way. It will open up when you do and admit that you are ready to create change. It will not close completely on you, because I do love you. I just had to come to terms with the fact that if I allow you to use me, you will never use your sense of ability to see a different way; to live a life that you can be proud of and have peace. The door to my heart is open to you, always has been and always will be. Just a slight adjustment so we both will get what it is we need from one another.

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GIVE CHRIS AND DEREK TO GOD: Author “The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian
“LORD, I come to you in Jesus name and give Derek Leon and Chris Leon to you. I’m convinced that You alone know what is best for them.  You alone know what they need. I release them to you to care for and protect and I commit myself to pray for everything concerning them, that I can think of or that You put upon my heart. Teach me how to pray and guide me in what to pra…y about. Help me not to impose my own will when Im praying for them, but rather enable me to pray that Your will be done in their lives.

Thank you Lord for the precious gifts of my grown children Derek and Chris Leon.  Because Your Word says that every good gift comes from you.  Show me places where I continue to hang on to them, and enable me to release them to Your protection, guidance, and counsel.  Help me not to live in fear of possible dangers, but in the joy and peace of knowing that You are in control.  I rely on You for everything, and this day I trust my grown sons Chris and Derek Leon to You and release them into Your hands.  Amen

· · · 16 hours ago
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Q:  Are you a “Supermom?” It’s time to think about changing. – Barbara Theodosiou

My friend called the other day and asked me why I sounded so blue? I replied “what is the point of talking about IT?” She knew what I meant by IT. IT was how I referred to my addicted son. He had been our main topic of conversation for several years. She politely told me that it was not my fault. Just like a spoiled child, I replied “I don’t care if it is my fault or not. All I care about is that my son is dying in front of my eyes.”

A little annoyed and in a very firm tone, she told me “there is not a phone call you could make or a thing you could do anymore that can save your son. Remember Superman?” Of course, I replied. “Picture Lois Lane standing on the railroad tracks, a speeding train approaching, just about to hit her. Then Superman swoops down, stops the train with one hand just in the nick of
time and saves Lois. Your son has had his own personal “Superman”– or in this case “Supermom”– who has rescued him his entire life, swooping down in the nick of time again and again to save the day.”

“Just like “Superman” is a TV and movie character, “Supermom” is make-believe too,” my friend continued. “Your son’s dependency on you is very unhealthy and unrealistic. It’s robbing him of one of life’s greatest gifts –the gift of being independent. When you let go of control, your son will be able to experience the natural consequences of life. Only then will he become
his own man and the hero of his own life story.”

Even though I felt a little awkward and bruised I couldn’t help but smile. I knew how much my friend loved me and how courageous she had been to tell me the truth. She reinforced for me what I already knew — that it was time for me to make some major changes. My first positive step would be to visualize throwing my cape away, putting my sweatshirt back on and adjusting to
being plain old mom again — kind of like going from “Superman” back to Clark Kent!

 

 

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Heart Broken

No one likes to see their  loved ones in pain and yes I have wished the same thing. I have come to find out  that was when I had finally reached the point of letting go no matter what the  cost was there is always pain before growth, and there is always a beginning a  middle and a end to everything. When we get through to the other side there is great growth. I have one son who finally went into rehab on his own and a daughter  who decided to move in with someone she met on a greyhound bus. Definately not what I would liked her to do.

I have given myself permission to turn off my phone. I know  that sounds crazy but I  was always afraid of getting that call no parent ever  wants to get.  Me sitting and waiting for that dreadful call consumed my life and  took me away from the rest of my family who are deserving of my attention. Me worrying and getting involved in their outcomes dont change one thing about them  getting the help they need. One of the biggest gifts I have been given is the  ability to give people back their problems and that is the only way I can find  peace. I have come to the understanding that they have a god of their own and  its not me.

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Much love to Donna Collins Tinsley and Regina Hix…

Trying to get the word out about Facebook Support Groups
by Donna Collins Tinsley on Thursday, September 1, 2011 at 10:13am
This is something I wrote as an Addendum to a story contest; it will probably kick me out of the running as far as winning but it may help get The Addict’s Mom some notice: Also if you have prayer requests feel free to join Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314/

They say seven people a day die in the State of Florida because of addictions. That doesn’t include the stories of the brokenhearted mothers who die without being reunited with their child. Or the stories of the ones gone astray who try but just can’t seem to make it work, as far as family relations, even clean and sober as the drugs and street life have so changed their brain, they never feel loved again. This is just one story of many that come from the streets of Daytona. Daytona where serial killer AileenWuornos roamed trying to find peace for her tortured soul, Daytona where the homeless hurt and are hurt and sometimes murdered just for sport. Daytona where a home for prostitutes could not stay funded and sometimes corruption is found in places that you would not imagine. Daytona where the souls of women that no one seemed to care about cry out for their murderers to be found.
I wrote parts of this story a long time ago, as a mother going through family pain. At that time there were not Facebook Support Groups such as The Addict’s Mom to give comfort, aid and help to mothers of addicts. The Addict’s Mom has over 2400 members as I write this and I only wish it had been there for me, way back then. Now prescription drug abuse is overtaking our nation and women are arising trying to take back control of their lives. Detaching in love, while hurting as mothers, we stand. I hope you felt the emotions of this Daytona Street Story. Ask me again, I may have another one for you.

Donna Collins Tinsley

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